Speechless

It's hard for me to start this blog without mentioning my absence. I apologize to the nursing mothers out there for not giving them any new reading material lately. (ahem...Adina.) :) As always after coming home from a trip, there's a small readjustment period. Even though I was only gone for 5 days, it took me a week to get back on schedule. To be perfectly honest, I still haven't completely unpacked my suitcase, and I've been home now for almost 14 days. haha So needless to say, if I can't even unpack a suitcase, writing a blog entry was the last on my list.

Allow me for a moment to be super vulnerable and honest. One of the many things I find extremely frustrating is feeling something inside myself, a movement, something stirring, and not being able to artistically express it. I struggle with this often. Many people tell me that I am creative, and I believe I am at least more creative than some, or maybe I'm just really drawn to creativity and don't posses the quality as much as I'd like to. Either way, more than I would like, I seem to struggle from a creative block. Words fill my mind, beautiful writing, rivers of ink and pages; but when I put pen to paper, of fingers to the keyboard, only crap comes out. It never seems to mirror what's inside. This is beyond aggravating.

And right now I am experiencing one of those moments. All day I have been in deep thought. Thoughts that I don't want to forget. Thoughts that I want to express and bring forth, but I literally pick up a pen, and stare at a blank piece of paper....and nothing.

It almost makes me emotional. It's as if you want to take a picture to forever record this memory, but your camera isn't working. Something so beautiful is right before you and you want to share it with others, you want to capture it so that you can always remember exactly how it was. But you're only left to rely on memory, and you know it won't be the same.

I feel it now as I sit here and type. Something is stirring about inside of me. I feel it's movement. Something so alive. And when all I want to do is write exactly what's going on with me, something that I feel accurately depicts the emotion behind it, I'm left speechless.